Mutual ownage

So, I'm back from my trip. I had an amazing time! It was definitely an experience I needed to have. I had never traveled alone before, so I'm glad I was able to do it without any major crises. Hooray for minor victories! I'm happy to be home again with D, though. I missed him a lot even though I was only gone about 3 days. Last night was our first night sleeping in the same bed again, which was nice ^_^ I always love snuggling, especially when I'm jet lagged and sleep deprived. 


However, I woke up this morning in a foul mood. I had a dream that D cheated on me! Now I know I'm not the only woman that gets irrationally angry at her man when he dream-cheats on her. I looked over at him sleeping and I wasn't angry, but damn, the dream-laerie was PISSED. I was throwing shit at him, I was swearing and screaming, basically letting the wild beast out of it's cage. It was kind of a nice feeling to let go since D and I never actually fight like that (EVERYTHING is a discussion. It is frustrating sometimes that we can't just fight like normal couples). The interesting part was that I was aware I was being a "bad sub" in the dream because I wasn't acting like I should, or at least, how I do now when D and I "fight". Lately D and I have been trying to be a little more hardcore in our d/s lifestyle. I wasn't really into direct commands before but I really want him to push my limits and take more control of me. In the dream he demanded I look at him and I was thinking (not dream-laerie, real-laerie...I'm sometimes half-conscious of real life even when I'm dreaming) that I was being a bad sub because I wasn't listening to him and instead was screaming that I was never going to look at him again. 


Now this was totally my right because he cheated on me, and I expect I would have a very similar reaction if he actually did cheat on me. All d/s would go out the window and I'd lose a grip on this highly maintained calm and collected version of myself. However, I was very aware of the fact that I wasn't being a good girl because I was being defiant and refusing to follow his orders. I just thought it was interesting that my sub-self came through in my dream. Is that confusing? I guess the easiest way to put it was that rational laerie looked at irrational dream-laerie and was like, "yea, get it, girl! He cheated on you, you throw that heavy glass bowl at his head. I hope it hits him" but she was also like, "you know he didn't really cheat on you...it's just a dream. So keep being a good girl to him". It was weird having those warring emotions in the dream.


Then one of my cats started licking my armpit so I woke up.


When D woke up I told him about my dream. He laughed at my reaction and said it was cute that I crazy-love him like he crazy-loves me. And I WOULD go crazy if he cheated on me (but he never will).  I'm a very jealous person when it comes to my significant other, there's nothing I can do to calm that beast. His heart, body, and mind all belong to me. He's mine and I'm his. He's allowed to prance around singing that he owns me and my body (he doesn't really prance and sing, but you know what I mean) which is sexy and totally true. But I own him too. And if he ever does cheat, I'd go all Lorena Bobbit on his ass. No one gets the good lovin but ME!