Someone on reddit messaged me last week not to give up on the blog. Thank you, reader. It inspired us to kick it back into gear and get back on the right track with our dynamic and our lives.
D and I have really been struggling lately. The last few weeks we've felt kind of distant from each other. I hate it. We're both feeling pressure from school, but we also are dealing with a lot of family drama because of the wedding. I'm also having some problems at work. Everything seems awful and we just need a win. All of the stress has caused us both to act bitchy and fall back into old, unhealthy habits. We needed a kick in the ass. Acknowledging the depression we've kind of fallen into has inspired us to stop being lazy fucks and get our shit together.
We've been talking a lot lately and found that we both feel depressed when we have too much free time. We should be writing in the blog, working out, cleaning/orgnaizing, doing work, etc. But we find any excuse not to do those things and sit in front of the TV or go on reddit or play video games instead. It's awful. I don't want to waste our lives away, I want to LIVE them. Writing, cleaning, etc aren't activities that I would consider LIVING, but I think they make us more inspired to LIVE. Like when our house is clean, we can have friends over without feeling embarrassed. When we write often, we discover things about ourselves that help us reduce stress. It just feels like being a productive adult. It is hard work...which is why we've fallen off the wagon...but it's good. It makes us both feel alive. It makes us happy, so we need to get back to that.
We're leaving our hometown to go back to our home on Saturday. We've been here an entire week and I am ready to go home. We're going to get back on track with this DS life, our diet and exercise, and really try to stay on top of ourselves to keep it up. I'm taking D to a basketball game for his birthday on Sunday and we're going to see Wicked (it's coming to our town) the next week. Only a few more weeks of school and we're done! I'll be halfway through my master's degree :) It has flown by and I can only hope that the next one does, too. It's gonna be hard to get through the last push...so many finals...but when we're done, we're going to relax with our friends and have a merry ole time.
I'm just so happy to have such a wonderful man in my life. I love him so much and we make each other better...but we also can make each other worse. I want to focus more on the fact that we have the power to inspire one another and use it to better our lives for the both of us.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.
I think I will go on record to say that this Thanksgiving was the worst Thanksgiving ever.
It all started at my parents' house...I offered to help my mother cook and clean because she always bitches about how no one helps her and she does ALL the holidays...and "why can't your sister do it sometimes?". UGH. She knows how to manipulate/Catholic guilt me into helping her. I know I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart and I do love my mother and want to help her, I just wish she would give it a rest sometimes.
So the family came and mom was bitchy which made dad all bitchy. Then the turkey wasn't cooked all the way so my sister started bitching. Once we ate, I promptly excused myself and fell asleep on the couch. I've had an exhausting and stressful week filled with wedding planning and constant questioning on top of all of the tension in the house and turkey in my belly and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was rude and spent the afternoon dozing. When I woke up my mother made sure to tell me how rude I was.
ONWARD TO D's HOUSE!
Yes, we eat two Thanksgiving dinners. I typically hate myself whenever we come home because everyone feeds us constantly. I feel bloated and disgusting as I type this and it's been a full 12 hours + since I've eaten a thing. It's not good for our weight loss goals to come home, either. We always fall off the wagon when we're here, no matter how hard we try.
Anyway, we walked in to the house to find D's cousin taking pictures of our newest cat (oh yea, I haven't written in a while...we took in another stray. She is fucking adorable but I don't know if she's ever going to get along with our cats. We love her though, so we're trying to make it work. For those who don't know, that brings the count up to 4 cats). She was trying to be nice and help us find a home for her (because we lied to everyone and told her we weren't keeping her even though we are). D was unbelievably pissed. He doesn't like it when people try to sieze control from him (big surprise) and go over his head. I think she was just trying to help, but D had already told her to back off, that we were taking care of it, etc. He sat in angry silence during the cocktail hour before dinner and when his cousin burst into the room to say she found a home for the cat, D kind of went off. I don't think he said anything rude, just basically said stuff like stay out of it, she's our responsibility, stop pimping out my cat, but she stalked off like a 5 year old so everyone looked for her and felt sorry for her because D "hurt her". Christ. D tried to apologize at the end of the night (even though I don't think he should have) and she slammed the door in his face. Wow. Talk about a drama queen. It's just disgusting the way his family feeds into this childishness. Now D is being guilted from all sides and feels awful because everyone is taking his cousin's side. I feel like D is the only true adult here. We've outgrown this place and want out. The wedding planning is not making it easy to leave it all behind.
Once everyone left, I started to do some laundry. I dropped something and when I went to grab it I slipped and twisted my body in the wrong way. I fucked my stabilizer muscle? I don't know. It feels like I'm being stabbed whenever I move and it's a little hard to take a deep breath without wincing but I'm trying not to be a bitch about it because I have so much crap to do. I'll probably make it worse, but whatever. I've been having really bad neck problems for a while because of how I sleep. I need a custom pillow or something. Or a straightjacket because I flail so much and sleep in the most odd positions. So I spent a good amount of time lying on the floor trying to make the pain go away. It hasn't gotten better yet.
/rant over.
It all started at my parents' house...I offered to help my mother cook and clean because she always bitches about how no one helps her and she does ALL the holidays...and "why can't your sister do it sometimes?". UGH. She knows how to manipulate/Catholic guilt me into helping her. I know I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart and I do love my mother and want to help her, I just wish she would give it a rest sometimes.
So the family came and mom was bitchy which made dad all bitchy. Then the turkey wasn't cooked all the way so my sister started bitching. Once we ate, I promptly excused myself and fell asleep on the couch. I've had an exhausting and stressful week filled with wedding planning and constant questioning on top of all of the tension in the house and turkey in my belly and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was rude and spent the afternoon dozing. When I woke up my mother made sure to tell me how rude I was.
ONWARD TO D's HOUSE!
Yes, we eat two Thanksgiving dinners. I typically hate myself whenever we come home because everyone feeds us constantly. I feel bloated and disgusting as I type this and it's been a full 12 hours + since I've eaten a thing. It's not good for our weight loss goals to come home, either. We always fall off the wagon when we're here, no matter how hard we try.
Anyway, we walked in to the house to find D's cousin taking pictures of our newest cat (oh yea, I haven't written in a while...we took in another stray. She is fucking adorable but I don't know if she's ever going to get along with our cats. We love her though, so we're trying to make it work. For those who don't know, that brings the count up to 4 cats). She was trying to be nice and help us find a home for her (because we lied to everyone and told her we weren't keeping her even though we are). D was unbelievably pissed. He doesn't like it when people try to sieze control from him (big surprise) and go over his head. I think she was just trying to help, but D had already told her to back off, that we were taking care of it, etc. He sat in angry silence during the cocktail hour before dinner and when his cousin burst into the room to say she found a home for the cat, D kind of went off. I don't think he said anything rude, just basically said stuff like stay out of it, she's our responsibility, stop pimping out my cat, but she stalked off like a 5 year old so everyone looked for her and felt sorry for her because D "hurt her". Christ. D tried to apologize at the end of the night (even though I don't think he should have) and she slammed the door in his face. Wow. Talk about a drama queen. It's just disgusting the way his family feeds into this childishness. Now D is being guilted from all sides and feels awful because everyone is taking his cousin's side. I feel like D is the only true adult here. We've outgrown this place and want out. The wedding planning is not making it easy to leave it all behind.
Once everyone left, I started to do some laundry. I dropped something and when I went to grab it I slipped and twisted my body in the wrong way. I fucked my stabilizer muscle? I don't know. It feels like I'm being stabbed whenever I move and it's a little hard to take a deep breath without wincing but I'm trying not to be a bitch about it because I have so much crap to do. I'll probably make it worse, but whatever. I've been having really bad neck problems for a while because of how I sleep. I need a custom pillow or something. Or a straightjacket because I flail so much and sleep in the most odd positions. So I spent a good amount of time lying on the floor trying to make the pain go away. It hasn't gotten better yet.
/rant over.
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