Desire or Capacity?

As laerie and I continue to struggle to fully integrate the d/s dynamic into our lives, I find myself spending inordinate amounts of time trying to figure out why we've struggled so mightily. I discovered that one of the reasons we do so is because we often confuse our desire to do (or not to do) something with our capacity to undertake the same action.

Neither laerie, nor myself, are particularly adept at pushing ourselves. Truth be told, we're both creatures of comfort and fall victim to the siren song of the couch far too often It doesn't help matters that she's going to school full time while managing five part time jobs, or that I'm plodding through a doctoral dissertation while trying to master the domestic arts. Reality aside though, both of us would be well served to remember the distinct differences between these two words.

Desire is, I think, inherently selfish. Philosophically, I don't believe that any desire can be truly selfless. When we get caught up in how we feel about a particular action, we're essentially saying "I am more important than us" in that given moment. And we cannot have a functioning, successful d/s relationship if such situations persist, on behalf of either party.

Capacity, on the other hand, is where I believe our focus should be. This change may actually be vital to our very survival. As creatures of comfort we've gotten fat, but not happy. Neither of us is satisfied with our lives as we currently know them, yet for years, we've been unable to make any lasting changes.

Though this may seem like a simplistic idea, it is one that I am going to attempt to embrace in my daily life, and strongly suggest that laerie do the same. When I pass our sink full of dirty dishes, I'm going to ask myself "do I have time to do them?" rather than be upset or frustrated they've been allowed to build up so high without someone else taking care of them. When I'm struggling to sleep and my habit of midnight snacking kicks in, I'll remind myself that I'm strong enough to get a glass of water instead of a cookie.

Hopefully by acknowledging such basic concepts and relearning behaviors, we can begin to make strides, both in this dynamic, as well as with a healthy lifestyle.