6AM musings

Things have definitely changed since we last wrote. D and I got married in June. It was magical. Hands down the best day of my life. So I can now proudly say that he is my husband. Still makes me smile to say :)

We have moved on from being students and both got jobs in our field, yay! D is working part-time at a college and I have a long-term sub position for intermediate reading. We are going to be moving next month (I hope!) because we found a beautiful 3BR townhouse closer to where we both work. I'm stoked, but so not looking forward to packing UUUGGHHH.

So lately, I feel like I've been in a fog. I don't know if it's the weather or what. I just feel down, blah, whatever, lazy, bored, meh. I'm sure it's annoying the shit out of D. He's been doing so well, I'm very proud of him. He's been dieting and he has been finding opportunities to exercise throughout the day. I can't bring myself to do anything. Most nights I bitch about making dinner. I just feel trapped somehow. I look around and see so much stuff that needs to be done that I'm incapacitated. Like when you open too many files on an old computer at once. Can. Not. Compute. Shut Dowwwnnnn. And I don't have the energy. I always complain that I don't have time, but really I have too much time and no motivation.

I need some sort of inspiration. I overall want to be a goddamn adult instead of a lazy teenager feeling. I want to do the things that need to be done and then reward myself by sitting down on the couch and watching a show before bed. I also want to do the things I LOVE to do. I can't even bring myself to do stuff I love to do anymore. The other day I was so bored because D was watching football, so I went into the office to start organizing my desk so I could do some crafts. I always feel better when I create. It wasn't even that messy, but I just sat there for 20 minutes LOOKING at it. I just looked at my messy desk. Then i got up and went back to the living room to bug D.


I'm really excited about the prospect of moving soon. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. We don't have the property yet, but we should know within the next few days if we can get it, and I think we have a pretty good shot. But I'm not happy. I feel overjoyed to have found a wonderful man that supports and loves me. I'm so glad we're married and moving on in our lives. I don't have anything to complain about, really. I'm hoping that when we know for sure we're moving it will kick me into gear and I will be motivated to start packing and organizing. I just always feel like I'm waiting for some sort of inspiration or catalyst to change and it comes and goes and I stay the same. I don't know why I'm in this fog. I just want to get out of it and start living my life.