As we were cleaning out laerie's childhood bedroom during our last visit home, she stumbled upon her teenage diary. This diary contained all the lurid, sordid details of her relationship with her ex from age 13 onward until college. Much to her chagrin, I asked her to let me read it. As you know if you've been following our blog for any length of time, I'm convinced that her relationship with her ex was a TPE relationship, though they never called it as such. Needless to say, I was curious about what I would find on the pages, hoping for some more insight into how my little one's mind works and how she's been shaped by the experiences she's had.
Lo and behold, on page ONE, I struck gold. Right there on the first page was a barcode sticker with PROPERTY OF ______ written underneath. I chuckled as I showed it to laerie. Now whether or not that statement truly means anything in the d/s world or if it is simply a by product of the enormous teenage emotions, we'll never truly know. From my perspective though, it reinforced laerie's need to belong to someone, to be loved like she loves - totally and completely, without hesitation.
I'm still not entirely sure whether I believe submissiveness is a inherent personality trait or a learned one. In honesty though, there is absolutely no need for them to be mutually exclusive. What I do know, at least for laerie, is that as far as we can tell she's always exhibited this trait. It is evident in stories of her childhood, her first relationship, and throughout my relationship with her. While we are finally on the right track toward a better future, I wish I'd had the strength to follow my gut way back when and drawn out her submissive side and saved us both so much heartache.
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