There is this notion in BDSM relationships that when there is a power exchange, there is also an equality exchange. For example, whether a person identifies as a sub, bottom, or slave, usually they are viewed as lesser than the Dom, Top, or Master. I don't agree with this at all.
Part of the reason I struggled so much with embracing my submissive side was the fear of losing myself to D and feeling like I was inferior and that only his opinion/needs/desires mattered. Now that I've been on this road a while, I realized that I enjoy feeling inferior and have been exploring my interest in feelings of worthlessness. However, while D and I explore this together and he treats me in a way that makes me feel worthless, I never actually feel as though I am worthless to him. This is where "scenes" come in, I guess. Proper aftercare makes me glow and lifts me back up. I feel complete and put right back on equal ground where I belong with D. But sometimes I still need reminders that my needs and desires are just as valid as his, and that's when D explained the power exchange to me like this:
Dominant and submissive are not equal in a relationship, but there is equity between them. Of course, the Dominant has more power than the submissive, but he cannot dominate her unless she submits to him. We have different roles in the relationship, but both are equally as important. We each make up half of the relationship, even though one of us has more control. Just like apples and oranges - both of them are fruit, but neither of them taste the same or serve the same purpose.
His was more eloquently worded than my paraphrased version, but I liked it, so I thought I'd share it here. Just some food for thought :)
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